Rodeo vs. Rope Play
Only One of These Cowboys Got Consent
We’ve all heard that the truth can set us free, but consensual bondage has its place too.
The idea of bondage might sound scary, or even dangerous, to some. But at the heart of any BDSM act is consent. In the absence of consent, bondage becomes abusive. But when one person wants it and another agrees, then by all means: shackle up!
At an erotic arts festival, I saw a shibari demonstration that alone was worth the price of admission. The performance featured a man being expertly roped up in a way that eerily reminded me of something I’d seen as a child, at a horse-and-cow rodeo I went to with my family.
In the adult human version, the “cowboy” vigorously lassoed the man’s legs and arms, tore open his jeans with theatrical flair, and used strips of the denim to hoist and angle his body just to where he could “ride” on his back.
A very knotted – and naughty – feat!
By contrast, my childhood memory of the rodeo couldn’t have felt more different. It starred a small calf, terrified and running for his life from a cowboy on a horse’s back: a clear display of domination without consent. Far from erotic or in any way pleasurable, that situation felt cruel.
Both shows were meant to entertain, but only in the case of shibari was the bondage consensual. And only because of that consent did it hold erotic value.
Having taken a beginner’s shibari class myself, I could appreciate the roping expertise of this consensual cowboy – and the surrendering skills of his captive, known as the “rope bottom.”
Shibari is a Japanese style of bondage that originated from Hojojutsu during the feudal period, as a method of restraining captives and as a form of torture. That is not the version I’m endorsing. Over time, its techniques evolved into the erotic art known as kinbaku. Literally translated, kinbaku-bi means “the beauty of tight binding.”
In the shibari class, like any event centered around sex positivity, the first topic covered was consent. The rope bottom has the final word and thus the ultimate power. Nothing happens or continues without the go-ahead from this pivotally empowered player.
After we discussed and practiced communication for consent, the roping instruction began. As the rope bottom, I enthusiastically consented to both the man I trusted to handle the rope and the shibari master himself. With every round of knotted rope, I felt my arms tighten against my torso. The finished design transformed my torso into what looked like a decorative macramé plant hanger.
The binding that held my upper arms tight to my sides, and bound my forearms and wrists up to my chest, gave me a sense of calm I hadn’t expected. I felt surprisingly safe and relaxed, like a snugly swaddled baby. Trusting another to attend to my needs, I surrendered myself to their “care.”
If intimacy is built on trust, then being bound – when chosen – can be a powerful practice. But break that trust and everything unravels. Consent draws the line between cruelty and care. One dominates without asking; the other collaborates in kink. Only one version is fun for every body.
I bet not a single rodeo animal likes being tied up but I do know a dog that likes to be cuddled into a little package in my arms, which makes me wonder if she likes the feeling of being "bound up" in less aggressive way. I guess not the same thing as bdsm except for that tiny aspect.
Sadie writes about such naught subjects with class and aplomb - it gets me intrigued by things I'll never in a million years try, and I love that she's going ALL the way with consent. Home run :)